Everyday
by grimm psyke
Summary: A series of introspective ficlets about Watanuki and the everyday things make them think of him. Change is inevitable.
1. People

They don't like to go out in public

Himawari never had any friends, she cares too much for others. Sometimes she tries to think she might have stopped caring. She tries to pretend that it didn't hurt as much but she knows she is fooling herself. The only people she could trust were her parents. The friends at school could only stay shallow institutions in her life. He has slowly taught her to open up, he gave her hope. Before he came into her life she seemed a cheerful girl, but really her cheer was for her own selfish reasons; without it she would have broken inside. He makes her believe she can smile again. And her heart squeezes when a certain someone insists on staying with her, but she can't help but feel a little warmed.

Doumeki never had many friends. He had admirers and "fans" but nobody had actively sought him out. He still has his mother and his father, but they were estranged because his grandfather wanted to train him. It seemed that they feared him a little, their intimidating son, they didn't know him very well because he'd been so young when taken and felt that Haruka's extreme views had changed their son. He didn't hate his grandfather however; if his parents were able to feel like strangers after a something so trivial then perhaps they didn't think him worth the effort. But his heart squeezes whenever a certain someone meets his parents around the temple, it makes him want to try a little harder.

Yuuko cannot touch the outside world, she can't affect it without an active wish and interaction with humans can change the world. She was abandoned by her parents. She never knew them though she suspects that she'd been abandoned because she had shown evidence of her powers at a young age. She feels it best that she never really knew the dependency upon another human because separating herself from the world was just that much easier. She never felt the need for anything resembling family. But he makes her long for it, he makes her feel real. So her heart squeezes when she sees a certain someone struggling and alone; he, her feeble connection to the world, a tenuous timid touch.

That's alright because they have a certain someone and he's their connection.

A/N: Chapters have been rearranged, I suspect that the original first chapter (now the third one) was a tad offensive..? Or perhaps just off putting.

+Andy


	2. Cook

They can actually cook.

Doumeki can cook: he always cooked for his grandfather, it was the one of the small things he could do. His own food is passable, he can make rice balls, miso soup, ramen and any other simple foods. Living at a temple, there are many visitors so he helps his family make the food. He requests foods from Watanuki to know how he feels. Watanuki (despite being excessively vocal) hardly tells anyone what he truly feels. As long as Watanuki complies with his ridiculous requests he knows; Watanuki actually cares.

Himawari can cook: her mother taught her years ago. She bought her lunches or made them herself. Her cooking is quite good, better than most girls' because she doesn't really go out much. She finds cooking lonely because whenever she did, the people she cooked with (except her mother) always got hurt. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. She knows how Watanuki feels about her, she feels it is the least she can do to let him vent his feelings through food or his energetic flailing; she knows it can never be.

Yuuko can cook: she has lived on her own for years and years. It is not surprising that she can cook. She used to eat simply to sustain her body, there was no pleasure in it and her cooking was sufficient. Her vices were drinking and smoking, to dull the pain. She finds herself drinking less and less... Once she tasted his cooking, her own in comparison tasted much like dust. She is in no way modest but Watanuki has magic in the kitchen that she finds more powerful than her own vast ones; he can make the people he loves happy.

A/N: Congratulate me on my fast update? Review?

+Andy


	3. Sick

They thought life was a little bit like puke.

Yuuko thought life was like puke. Every time is different. Sometimes a person is so frazzled and drunk that they don't know its happening. Other times they feel so disgusting that they can't help but know. It doesn't matter; it happens to everyone.

Himawari thought that life was like puke. Sometimes it is colorful, sometimes it isn't. It is always disgusting. Sometimes it comes up easy, other times it burns. It always hurts. Sometimes its neat, others its messy. It doesn't matter; it always comes up.

Doumeki thought life was like puke. It is just a little bit of suffering that is part of the whole. Such a trivial matter. Sometimes it makes a person feel better, sometimes it makes them feel worse. It doesn't matter; it is always nauseating.

It doesn't matter; now they have someone that will help them clean up.

* * *

A/N: First fanfic ever. So this one was about puke and if anyone wants to know or didn't know the person is Watanuki. Sorry for the disgusting topic. Probably doesn't warrant an author's note. Comments anyone?

+Andy


	4. Touch

They don't like to touch other people.

Shizuka doesn't like to touch people; living as he is has taught him the importance of purity.

When Shizuka touches him, the archer is relieved. Before Watanuki his life was dull and gray, with him there everything is sharp and clear . His obstinacy is fascinatingly frustrating and he is the only person who can make the stoic boy anxious.

Himawari doesn't like to touch people; she never knows when her curse will affect them.

When Himawari touches him, the cursed girl feels anxious. She fears for his very life every time she's near him but she can't help but want him there. She laughs when he is with her, he is the only one who lets her know she is sane.

Yuuko doesn't like to touch people; you never know what can happen with what is left behind.

When Yuuko touches him, the witch feels sane. She deals with the supernatural and insane daily, and his touch lets her know he is still there. With so much on her mind, it is good to know that something can still make her feel relieved.

They know the world is still real because he touches their lives.

--

A/N: School is done so hopefully I'll have more time to write, and I do believe that I've been repeating the same basic concepts too many times. Thank you to all who commented for the encouragement. Requests? Reviews?

+Andy


	5. Tics and Tells

_Nervous_

Watanuki twiddles his thumbs when he is nervous and doesn't look people in the eyes. He always gets like that when strangers talk to him, in particular those at school. He knows he should know their names, having been in the same class for nigh on two years but he'd always been so preoccupied with malicious spirits and trying to keep himself afloat financially. Now that he isn't as worried about the spirits and has a steady job (Yuuko doesn't pay him, but he uses materials from the massive volume of food he makes so he has no fear of being left hungry) he feels guilty every time one of them talks to him. He's polite enough, but now that he has time to think about it he has nothing in common with any of them. They do indeed approach him hesitantly from time to time but he is never anything more than distant and reserved because Watanuki is hardly the most observant person.

Even while he complains about being unpopular he just cannot find himself able to open up to these people.

_Lies_

He lies to Himawari. He always assures her that he's fine every day but she sees new splotches of color on him. And she knows that they are aren't her fault but even so can't help but to exchange a worried look with Doumeki.

He lies to Shizuka. He flails, wails, rants, raves and screams his antipathy. But even as he stomps angrily away from the archer he always slides a surreptitious glance backwards to him and slows down as though to make sure he is still there.

He lies to Yuuko. He claims that he would leave at any given moment if he had the chance but he always comes back. Even when she drinks herself into oblivion he is always standing there in the morning with eki-kyabe and a cold pack.

Watanuki lies. To himself and to everyone, because he's been hurt and it is his defense, the only one he knows. But slowly, oh so slowly, they will teach him what it is to be healed.

--

(Eki-kyabe is Yuuko's staple hangover med, that is from the Midori-drug store.)

A/N: This one focuses mostly on what Watanuki feels because I thought he was being neglected. I hope I didn't just repeat content, (ugh Himawari's thoughts are so hard to write, it turns out to be angst every time!!) And tell me if you don't like the format change, I thought it was getting a little trite, or do you think its better. Comments? Criticism? Questions? Requests? Review.

+Andy


	6. Ex: Names

_**Extra addiction**: With Me _(Alt. Title: Spiral)

"What is in a name? That what which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." --Juliet (Romeo and Juliet)

Kohane has nothing but saddening memories of her name, but Kimihiro gave her back her name and she knows that when he did he also gave back her soul. It was sweetly soft, almost painfully so, like the gentle flurry of snowflakes as they fall like feathers.

It was slow motion, when he came between her mother's fist and her. At that time she wondered, would her mother love her if she let her hit? She almost felt angry at him for stopping her mother. Would her mother hate her? The people filming said they were still live. Was her happiness more important than that of her mother? Did Kimihiro think so? What they said about her mother...

But when her mother screamed her fury at him, she knew. She could see everything in clarity, even with both eyes closed. She felt her mother's blows through him, each time her mother's fists beat upon his back, a little shudder, the slightest vibration, she knew. Still, he was so polite.

Her mother had stopped calling her name. Was it because her name reminded her of father? Was it because she'd told mother about father's infidelity? Then it was her fault. And each time mother faltered as the syllables of her name fell trembling from her lips, the quavering slashed at her heart. The painful smiles, the near touches, it was almost a relief to have her name stop coming from mother's lips.

Mothers. She'd never asked Kimihiro about his mother. Every time she saw him, he never once mentioned his family. And every time she mentioned her own, a painful expression would flutter across his features and his face would pale, the change quick and excruciating like the prick of a needle... And even as she sat there, cradled in his embrace sobbing in her disgrace, he'd even said sorry. He said it wasn't her fault. Sorry for mother, sorry for crimes he never did. But mother, mother, she'd fallen into her own trap, the spiral of her own disaster.

Her happiness, perhaps mother could slowly relearn her happiness.

Her happiness, and slowly Kohane would know her own. Because he never let her forget that she was a child, and he'd never said that was wrong.

He gave her his name because she's special. She could feel his fleeting smile, eyes closed.

She wished he'd open his.

(Reference Ch. 103-106, Ch. 147-157)

--

A/N: This one was an extra chapter because someone requested it, in truth I was considering making a chapter that included Kohane but it wouldn't have focused solely on her, I think I like it this way better. So anyone, comments, requests, criticism or reviews?

+Andy

PS. If I get something wrong please tell me because I don't actually own xxxHolic (well duh) because I never got the chance to buy the books so I can't reference with much accuracy.


	7. Irony

**_A Point in Chaos_**

_Quod erat demonstrandum(QED)_ --

which has been shown

(Point Proven)

Watanuki is always getting into arguments (a good majority of them are one-sided but they are arguments nonetheless.) Watanuki feels as though he must prove a point in order to be sure of his existence. As he is slowly pulled into the world of the fantastically magical and possibly clinically insane he believes he must cement himself in all that is "real." His hopes, his dreams and his opinions must all be stated boldly. His own justice must be doled out accordingly with impressive dramatics. This is what he believes as he finds himself pushed into the contradiction that his life is becoming. Slowly, he finds his opinions wavering, his hopes changing, his dreams expanded and he doesn't have to tell them because they already know. His justice has served him in ways he never considered, that silent justice he never knew he had. And suddenly he finds that he doesn't mind so much, those things he thought he hated. Things do change.

_Entropy--_

A doctrine of inevitable social decline and degeneration  
A measure of the disorder or randomness in a closed system.

(Theory of chaos)

Watanuki knows what entropy is. But even if he acknowledged it's existence, that doesn't mean he has to like it. Watanuki refuses to be anything but well-mannered and polite. Watanuki refutes clutter and disdains destruction. He thinks that such things are simply unnatural, no matter what any scientist says. Then again it is in his nature to simply deny anything he dislikes. So he uses polite language in a world of rudeness, he creates organization in a sea of chaos, simply because he believes it is right to do so. But even if Watanuki rejects the existence of Entropy, it hardly means Entropy will be kind enough to do likewise.

Were Entropy a storm and life it's avenue, then Watanuki would be the center, the opposite, the focus, the balance. Those around him are pulled in, harbored safely in the eye of the storm. At least its how they see it.

--

A/N: Another pair of Watanuki-centric narratives, though they are intended to be from the other characters' perspectives, even though I'm sure the lot of you are already bored with these. Thank you to all who commented. Rest assured that I will take into account your preferences/advice/requests. Observations? Requests? Suggestions? Review.

+Andy

PS. Please include chapter numbers with suggestions and requests.


	8. Beauty

Everyone has different perceptions of beauty.

In ancient Greece, emphasis was placed on the body, in particular the male body, and everyone was proud to show theirs. In ancient China they bound women's feet because they believed that small feet were beautiful. In Burma they placed rings around a girl's neck, her collarbones collapse, her neck becomes deformed and the weight of the rings is terrible but she... she is beautiful. In America women slowly kill themselves, place themselves under the knives of strangers and are never happy; they want for a beauty which is an imperfect ideal.

Himawari found him aesthetically pleasing. It may seem shallow of her but given her condition she really had no other measure of others. It was only through his own obstinacy that she had actually gotten past outward appearances and smalltalk. Though a popular girl, Himawari kept everyone at a distance. It was a subtle action, so subtle that nobody had ever noticed. If they had, it would have been a guarantee that the same rumor-mongers that had destroyed Watanuki's reputation would have eaten her alive. Metaphorically speaking that is.

Yuuko found his soul amazing, even in her line of work. There are many things that make a person, but the core component is always a soul. No matter how a person is, there is evidence of their actions on their soul: the good, the bad, the ugly. It is the compounded record of gifts and punishments of a person's reincarnations, their ideas and their beliefs. Trials become the hammer and anvil of the gods and Watanuki had had many trials indeed. Watanuki has one of the purest souls she's ever seen, even if she includes Zashiki-warashi.

Shizuka found his mind and heart extraordinary. Kohane may have called him a beautiful person when they met (Watanuki, of course, had vehemently denied this and exclaimed "Where?!" emphatically), but Shizuka thought that Watanuki had a more beautiful heart. No matter the condition of the soul (though that did influence a person), the mind and heart are the result of hard work and dedication, and he was of an opinion that such dedication and determination made a person beautiful, or at least set them on the course toward perfection.

They can't help but think that others can't compare to him in any way.

He has become their measure in all things.

--

A/N: If someone could tell me what chapters are about Watanuki giving up his memory I'd be much obliged. Much thanks to everyone.

+Andy


	9. Ex: Quiet

_Anfang vom Ende (beginning of the end): Support  
_

Shizuka can see patterns.

Fear, it is the thing that guides us, it is the thing that tears us apart.

Shizuka can see things now. Slowly he learns why Kimihiro is afraid. Shizuka has been given but a mere taste of what Kimihiro has dealt with his whole life. He sees the small shadow of gloom over a particular teacher that is anything but natural. He sees the taint of cruelty on small elementary-school children. It sickens him and he is not even pursued. But now he sees and it makes him aware, very painfully aware of the other's fear.

Names that which make us whole, a simple thing, a simple word.

Kimihiro has never once said his name. It is true that he has never given him permission to do so but is that really the reason? Kimihiro is in denial and Shizuka knows that he isn't used to having someone who will always be there to depend on. But Shizuka also knows that if it's him, he can wait forever. So until the time when Kimihiro is able to accept his name, Shizuka will respond in his mind, Kimihiro, Kimihiro.

It is actually a difficulty for the other boy to be selfish, as ridiculous as it sounds.

He watches the other boy's fool hardy and selfless actions with a careful eye, making sure to notice every detail. Shizuka has known Kimihiro's kindness both indirectly and directly. He knows that, if given the choice, Watanuki would likely give up his own happiness to save others from suffering. Good thing Shizuka wouldn't give him the choice. And though he cannot be selfish for himself, Shizuka is more than willing to be selfish for him; he has no qualms.

Even as the world shifts, he'll be there.

--

A/N: Its another extra addiction. This one tends more toward the DouWata pairing, though it is quite subtle. Himawari's is up too, that isn't HimaKimi... They're both in different formats. I'm working on one for Yuuko but it's giving me trouble. This one and the subsequent extras are about the other main character's roles in The End. Questions? Comments? Requests? Review.

+Andy


	10. Ex: Sunflowers

_Anfang vom Ende (beginning of the end): Equilibrium  
_

To say that Himawari has bad luck is incorrect because Himawari's luck is that of any ordinary girl

To say that Himawari has bad luck is incorrect because Himawari's luck is that of any ordinary girl. To say that Himawari has bad luck is wrong because Himawari actually has some good luck. That is to say, she has normal luck like any average person.

As she grew up, she and her family gradually came to understand the impact of her... curse on other people. There is no cure to her illness or condition or whatever it is. She always wondered what she is supposed to call it. Over the years she has slowly figured out some of how it works. Is it really a curse? The effects happened upon either bad people or something good came of it. For example there was a time when she was a child and she and her best friend were attacked by bees in the forest, they ran all the way home crying. Two years later they found out that the hole in the forest that the other girl was about to walk into was full of the bones of dead children that a serial killer had placed there. Yuuko says there is no such thing as coincidence, there is only hituzen. Yuuko had once offered to explain her curse to her but she shook her head. She already knew what it did.

Nature abhors a vacuum. And while Himawari finds comfort in this fact, it also makes her sad. Her condition is simply that: a vacuum. In truth, they found this out by accident. One month she had a huge project and decided to skip school for a week to finish it. After that she got extremely ill. After _that_ she started getting 'clumsy' and sliced her arm on a knife that was on the table. They went to the doctors office. Twelve people in a passing bus died. The other twenty three passengers and the driver were miraculously untouched even though the bus had rolled. It was found later that they were going to rob a bank (nobody ever expects criminals to use public transport.) Himawari had a similarly miraculous recovery from her illness, and her wound healed without a scar. The police had said that if the bus hadn't had an accident, the twelve robbers would have likely gotten away with it because the small bank they were robbing was laundering money and wouldn't have gone to the police. (Because criminals and children have the most luck.)

Himawari _is_ bad luck. She finds comfort in the fact that she is here to even out the world, not many people know their ultimate place in the universe. The fact that she was born gives solace because she knows that somewhere out there, there is an individual with her exact opposite in power. She can only pray that they remain so. And she knows she might disappear when the world has restitution.

But for the time being she will continue being a luck stealer. It is the only way she can live and they have given her a new reason to want to.

--

A/N: If any of you didn't get the point, it was that Himawari is there to equal out the world. I had a hard time trying to get it across, so I don't know if it is intelligible. Again with the angst... well at least I was able to add something new about her, its just something I thought up. Probably many of you won't like these extras... _sigh_ well next is Yuuko, that one will take some time. Oh and after Yuuko's will be the final one. I'm sure you're tired of these already. As always, please review dear readers. Thanks.

+Andy


	11. Ex: Help

_Anfang vom Ende (beginning of the end): Intentions_

In truth Kimihiro's wish has long since been fulfilled. His debt however is not. It would have been, had the jobs he'd done with Shizuka paid what he thought they paid. In fact, the jobs Yuuko has sent Kimihiro on with Shizuka are but a fraction more fulfilling of the price to be paid than the ones he'd previously done. True, the jobs were harder. However, the job's rewards had to be split two ways. Nothing can be unbalanced. True, Shizuka had no wish. That didn't mean someone else had not given him their debt. Knowingly, he received the debt of his grandfather, the debt of the past. Would that they had met earlier, then perhaps the debts to be paid would be lessened now, but indeed there'd been no imbalance in the world enough to create the jobs worthy of their diligence.

Shizuka pays the debt of another, Kimihiro pays the debt paid in full. They pay the debt of the world, chains not so uncommon.

Staying near her can only deepen their debt but they are needed _(she is the one indebted to them.)_ She is only human and all humans have limitations. To counterbalance her immense powers, there is a debt of using them. She must receive equivalent Power in return. The debt of Kimihiro's wish has been paid in full. The debt of her services however, is not. She must keep him chained with debt and perhaps with emotion, as a falconer does a hawk with tethers and muzzles.

He is under her aegis. But she can't help but think that she is under his protection as well. Their reality is a pliant, fuzzy dream, unfocused. Their role, her role, the entire thing is much bigger than them and still they fight on. Because they know it is the right thing to do.

Her feelings, her feelings are the only thing she can give him, for all her connections, for all her powers. _(He would say it is enough)_ because she won't let him disappear. None of them will.

--

A/N: I was re-reading these and... I just cannot believe how filler-ish the Doumeki one was, just really bad... I sincerely apologize for that. Anyways, so this one I had trouble with. (Which was completely expected...) I hope it doesn't disappoint. The next one will be the last one, though this one is the one I've grown to like the most (I should really hope so because I rewrote it like seven times.) I really should end it here but since these are about Watanuki and all it should logically end with Watanuki. Ugh, I feel like I've strayed too far from the original intention of these (Aka. the subjects starting with everyday things...)

+Andy


	12. Connections

_Das Opfer, der Narr (The sacrifice, the fool)_

Kimihiro sees unfamiliar faces. A stranger came up to him once and asked him how he is, what with his parents dying and everything. He doesn't know what to say. _(He should know this person.)_ If he were to tell the truth he would say yes, he's fine because he hardly remembers them anyways. In once case he _did_ say that and the person looked at him with concern. They gave an understanding smile and a pat on the shoulder. In reality they probably thought he was crazy. But if he said what he really felt _(they wouldn't believe him)_ he'd say he couldn't remember what they were like at all. It scares him, how much he has adjusted to not remembering his father, his mother. He doesn't feel lost or scared as he did before. Instead, he feels calm and peaceful _(because he is no longer alone.)_

He stares at unfamiliar places. In the pictures, the albums, the hundreds of pictures... He knew there were people in them. His parents have disappeared from them, their absence unnatural as though some humongous hand simply swept through the pictures, pulling his parents out of each. He looked through the albums once but it unnerved him. Some of the pictures have simply scenery, these ones he knows were only of them. His mother, on a swing, surrounded by wisterias... His father fishing... But in the pictures the wisterias are in full bloom around an abandoned swing that swishes dejectedly back and forth. In the pictures, a fishing pole and a trout lay in a heap on the pier, abandoned as though the people in the pictures were simply swiped off the face of the earth. In another, people are gathered around a cake that says "congratulations on your graduation," the candles have just been blown out and a relative smiles and hugs thin air. It unnerves him and he buries them in the back of his closet. For no matter how eerie it is he can't bring himself to throw them away.

What does he remember?

He remembers the actions, the caring, the emotions. The reassuring hand on his back, encouraging him to go with friends, the pats on the head for a job well done. A lilting voice, strong hands guiding his, the scent of lemons and lavender in the laundry. Their connected hands, fingers intertwined with the son they cared for. He remembers tears, of joy, of happiness, of sadness and grief. The smiles. _(It is enough for him.)_

He remembers every single food he has made. Tamagoyaki, inari sushi, hotakashi soba, sooki soba, sata andagi… the list goes on. He remembers the people he has met since he entered the shop. Zashiki-warashi, Ame-warashi, Himawari, Mugetsu, Tanpopo, Yuuko, Makona, Maru and Moro…Doume—no… Shizuka. _(They are what now defines him.)_

He has learned. He has learned to be able to ask for help, he has learned that he does not only belong to himself, he has learned to let people care for him, he has learned to care. These things are Kimihiro's reality. _(A reassuring dream...)_

But that is everything since he has entered the shop. _(Is that time real?)_

-- What is real? --

_(Don't disappear.)_

But this time he'll work up enough courage to respond. _"I won't."_

--

A/N: Last chapter, hope it doesn't disappoint. (And for those that were confused with the last fic, Watanuki's debt for his wish has already been paid but because he's around Yuuko so much the over all debt increases (because she helps him) but she does it so that he has to stay. Sorry for the confusion.)

+Andy

_Afterword_: Special thanks to those who commented: Midnight Mistique, Eriik's Lonely Angel, AnimeSoul17, Masuda-san, Lost Again(anon.) and finally Susan009(anon.). You guys are the ones who gave _me_ the courage to keep writing. I hope you enjoyed it.


	13. Ex: Darkness

_Extra Addiction: Lieben Frau von Spinnen (Lady of Spiders)_

It wasn't like Araneae was evil or anything.

The boy was simply a trifle irritating is all. She didn't _dislike_ him per se... he _was_ a little slow and she had little patience for idiots, but he'd been polite enough... even if that pipe fox hadn't. Actually his existence would do good things for her too, in the future. She had nothing against him. What had happened wasn't a personal thing, he and Yuuko were working for the "good side." And Araneae was definitely not working against their ultimate goal. He simply needed to mature is all, and hardships were one of the ways that humans, or indeed anyone, started to understand the world. Her little hardship wasn't even extreme. His _life_ hadn't been in any danger. He was in more danger around Yuuko than he had been during her little trial. The boy would get used to not having his eye. It wasn't that big of a deal.

Just like humans, no spirit is wholly good or wholly bad. Her taking his eye was a simple cause and effect thing. A penance. It was in fact equal, even if it didn't seem like that in the eyes of others. He himself understood. An eye for a home. A spider is just as important as any other being. Fair is fair and an eye is an eye, no matter the quality. Plus, Araneae would now be able to watch and protect her comrades for longer. Everybody wins. Something good would happen to him in exchange as well, if the price were unequal. She knew exactly what would happen. The boy was a bit dense, likely he didn't think that others cared for him and the fact that many people had come to his defense in this case would open his eyes. Figuratively that is.

A simple action that was the start of an epidemic. Just as it happens, the butterfly effect.

--

A/N: This one is for SpiritHellfire because they suggested it (well more like they mentioned it and it ate my brain.) Also, I was reading the drabbles over and they were lacking something. **Araneae** does not strictly mean spider, more like anything like a spider (scorpions etc.) but I preferred that name to Arachne, my second choice. Er... This one is from the perspective of the Evil-Spider-Lady.

+Andy


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